The kind you’re born with, the kind you choose, the kind that teach Catholic school
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Birds decide to give up their wings
because flying indulges in an ego trip.
Hermit crabs decide they have to pay rent
on their shells.
Snakes invent banks where they can invest
their sloughed-off skins.
Beavers vote to build high-rise lodges
above their ponds.
Squirrels expect a minimum wage
for storing nuts in secret.
Earthworm expressways install periodic tollbooths
to help defray construction costs.
Lions build cages, lock themselves in,
and charge admission to see them.
Butterflies get rich from fee to see
emergence from chrysalis.
Termite Thoreau goes to live by a dewdrop for a while
before returning to the termite mound.
The turnip and parsnip form a partnership.
Celery wants a salary.
Cows demand humans make their own milk
from their own tits
and eat their own sawn muscles.
Trees agree to sprout money instead of leaves
as long as they can make newspapers out of human corpses
to print tree news.
Dust motes go on strike
for safer floating conditions.
One raindrop says to another raindrop —
“I don’t believe in clouds
or that we’re falling.”
Plankton plot how to conquer the ocean.
Sea horses form cavalries and charge
to periwinkle bugle calls.
Mayflies scheme to be more famous as poets
than other mayflies.
Mountains want to get away from it all too,
tired of carrying the world on their shoulders.
Roses make X-rated videos of rosebuds opening.
Sloths realize they better change their lazy ways
Spiders decide not to spin webs
unless they’re displayed in art museums.
Crickets refuse to cricket
unless haiku take notice.
Whales grow back their arms and legs
so they can return to land and work
Flowers want to work in factories too.
They feel funny just sitting around
doing nothing but being beautiful
and smelling good.
Penguins decide to take off their tuxedos
and wear their bum clothes for a change.