1.
I always thought a kind of permanence awaited me in the future: I’d grow up, find my niche, and settle down. The questions of my youth would dissolve into a mature understanding of how the world works. But now I am a twenty-one-year-old woman fresh out of college with hazy goals of foreign travel and falling in love. A fear is roiling in me that I will never find peace and certainty.
2.
I have been told that the secret to happiness is to live as if you were going to die tomorrow, but this is obviously impractical. If I truly lived my life this way, I wouldn’t churn out job applications so I can earn money and financial independence. I’d stop washing the dishes, doing the laundry, and making plans, and instead drink all day and live from one spontaneous moment to another.
