Correspondence
My high-school-senior son seems to have no goals or motivation. I want him to have a satisfying life, and I see higher education as one way for him to find satisfaction. I’ve had trouble striking a balance between pushing him in that direction and letting him find his own way.
In the July 2006 Correspondence, twenty-four-year-old Courtney Rosser responded to Nancy W.’s Readers Write submission [April 2006] about her struggle to accept without judgment her own son’s life decisions. They have given me the only sane answer to my dilemma, which is to encourage my son to figure out what makes him happy and to love and support him unconditionally while he does. He may not turn out as I had hoped or expected, but if he knows that I love him for who he is, it will help him succeed no matter what he becomes.
Pat D.
Largo, Florida
In his Readers Write piece on “Decisions” [April 2006], Francis D. seems to wonder if he made a mistake when he agreed to have his father’s breathing tube removed.
When Francis’s dad grabbed his hand and said, “Home,” Francis thought he meant his physical home and told him, “Yes, we’ll get you home.” But I understood “home” to mean something different: the final home, the one his dad would go to when he left his worn-out body. His dad then looked agitated, perhaps not, as Francis thought, because he realized he would never leave the hospital, but because his son had misunderstood this important message. To clear up the misunderstanding, his dad said, “Pull the plug.”
To me this father’s final words expressed gratitude and relief that he was being allowed to go “home.”
Melinda Zipin
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
In your April 2006 issue, Nancy W. writes in Readers Write about her struggle to accept her twenty-four-year-old son’s life decisions, rather than judge him for them.
I am twenty-four years old and have spent the past year traveling and working in New Zealand. I plan to spend at least another year working there and enjoying the country. I have no long-term plans for a career, but I live each day in a way that’s true to myself and my heart, and I am as happy as I can imagine being right now.
My mother has struggled to accept my choices, but rather than question and lecture me, she has been nothing but supportive and loving. Her unwavering support has given me the strength to pursue whatever makes me happy, and for that I am grateful.
Nancy W. is absolutely correct that all a child wants from a mother is approval. If we cannot find it with her, then where will we find it?
Courtney Rosser
St. Louis, Missouri
Courtney Rosser writes, “Nancy W. is absolutely correct that all a child wants from a mother is approval. If we cannot find it with her, then where will we find it?”
Having been my mother’s black sheep, and having managed to attain adulthood without an ounce of her approval, I believe that all a child wants from a mother is love — which may not always mean approval. A child who grows up wanting approval will likely become an adult who seeks approval in place of love.
Kathy B.
Fort Myers, Florida
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