The Gift
To pull the metal splinter from my palm my father recited a story in a low voice. I watched his lovely face and not the blade. Before the story ended, he’d removed the iron sliver I thought I’d die from. I can’t remember the tale, but hear his voice still, a well of dark water, a prayer. And I recall his hands, two measures of tenderness he laid against my face, the flames of discipline he raised above my head. Had you entered that afternoon you would have thought you saw a man planting something in a boy’s palm, a silver tear, a tiny flame. Had you followed that boy you would have arrived here, where I bend over my wife’s right hand. Look how I shave her thumbnail down so carefully she feels no pain. Watch as I lift the splinter out. I was seven when my father took my hand like this, and I did not hold that shard between my fingers and think, Metal that will bury me, christen it Little Assassin, Ore Going Deep for My Heart. And I did not lift up my wound and cry, Death visited here! I did what a child does when he’s given something to keep. I kissed my father.
Early In The Morning
While the long grain is softening in the water, gurgling over a low stove flame, before the salted Winter Vegetable is sliced for breakfast, before the birds, my mother glides an ivory comb through her hair, heavy and black as calligrapher’s ink. She sits at the foot of the bed. My father watches, listens for the music of comb against hair. My mother combs, pulls her hair back tight, rolls it around two fingers, pins it in a bun to the back of her head. For half a hundred years she has done this. My father likes to see it like this. He says it is kempt. But I know it is because of the way my mother’s hair falls when he pulls the pins out. Easily, like the curtains when they untie them in the evening.
My Father, In Heaven, Is Reading Out Loud
My father, in heaven, is reading out loud to himself Psalms or news. Now he ponders what he’s read. No. He is listening for the sound of children in the yard. Was that laughing or crying? So much depends upon the answer, for either he will go on reading, or he’ll run to save a child’s day from grief. As it is in heaven, so it was on earth. Because my father walked the earth with a grave, determined rhythm, my shoulders ached from his gaze. Because my father’s shoulders ached from the pulling of oars, my life now moves with a powerful back-and-forth rhythm: nostalgia, speculation. Because he made me recite a book a month, I forget everything as soon as I read it. And knowledge never comes but while I’m mid-stride a flight of stairs, or lost a moment on some avenue. A remarkable disappointment to him, I am like anyone who arrives late in the millennium and is unable to stay to the end of days. The world’s beginnings are obscure to me, its outcomes inaccessible. I don’t understand the source of starlight, or starlight’s destinations. And already another year slides out of balance. But I don’t disparage scholars; my father was one and I loved him, who packed his books once, and all of our belongings, then sat down to await instruction from his god, yes, but also from a radio. At the doorway, I watched, and I suddenly knew he was one like me, who got my learning under a lintel; he was one of the powerless, to whom knowledge came while he sat among suitcases, boxes, old newspapers, string. He did not decide peace or war, home or exile, escape by land or escape by sea. He waited merely, as always someone waits, far, near, here, hereafter, to find out: is it praise or lament hidden in the next moment?
Little Father
I buried my father in the sky. Since then, the birds clean and comb him every morning and pull the blanket up to his chin every night. I buried my father underground. Since then, my ladders only climb down, and all the earth has become a house whose rooms are the hours, whose doors stand open at evening, receiving guest after guest. Sometimes I see past them to the tables spread for a wedding feast. I buried my father in my heart. Now he grows in me, my strange son, my little root who won’t drink milk, little pale foot sunk in unheard-of night, little clock spring newly wet in the fire, little grape, parent to the future wine, a son the fruit of his own son, little father I ransom with my life.
“The Gift” and “Early in the Morning” are from Rose, © 1986 by Li-Young Lee. “My Father, in Heaven, Is Reading Out Loud” is from The City in Which I Love You, © 1990 by Li-Young Lee. “Little Father” is from Book of My Nights, © 2001 by Li-Young Lee. All appear here by permission of BOA Editions, Ltd., www.boaeditions.org.




