If ONE person occupies the No. 1 place in your attention and affection while you hold only 2nd, 3rd, 4th, or 364th place in this person’s attention and affection, try the following remedies for your painful affliction:

  1. Find an identical number of other objects for your attention and affection so that when you are with your beloved you will be on the same scale — e.g.: If you are No. 4 to your beloved, the beloved will now be also No. 4 to you.

    If this doesn’t work, try:
     
  2. Wiping out your rivals (everyone/everything which stands between you and being No. 1 to your beloved).

    If this cannot be accomplished in fact try it in fantasy: convince yourself that you have no rivals.

    If this is impossible, try:
     
  3. Moving far away from your beloved and continuing the relationship by correspondence only. If you can succeed in creating a demand for your letters this may give you the sensation of being No. 1 to your beloved.

    Is this sensation doesn’t last, try:
     
  4. Putting someone who feels that you are No. 1 in the No. 1 place in your attention and affection.

    If no one else will do:
     
  5. Resign yourself to being only No. 2, 3, 4, or 364 in the queue to your beloved. . . . but give it all you’ve got.

    (You might not find happiness but you’ll be healthier and live longer since giving requires much more stamina than receiving.)

Post-Script RE. Jealousy:

If the No. 1 place in your attention and affection is occupied by you yourself, then of course everyone else will always be No. 2, 3, 4, etc. etc.

So if you want to avoid the pain of jealousy, just avoid choosing as your No. 1 someone who is No. 1 to him or her self.

Or, become No. 1 to yourself.

After all, is it really so important to be most important to someone else?

Think about it: It may only seem important when you’re not. But when you are, it’s more often a nuisance. Someone always saying: Why are you so late? Why didn’t you call/write/etc.? Why this, why that, and all because you are the most important!

If you still insist you would prefer to be happy and No. 1 (to that particular beloved) your case is now CLOSED.

 

The illustrations from this selection are available as a PDF only. Click here to download.

(From Augustine’s True Confession to be published by Natalia d’Arbeloff, NdA Press, 6 Cliff Villas, London NWI 9AL, England)

© NdA 1982