Losing them, fixing them, forgetting to put them in
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I was having sex with a man, and I became frightened. So I got out of bed and covered him with potato chips.
“Don’t leave me this way!” he shouted.
“Call up someone you know who likes potato chips,” I said, and left.
A man was born without a nose. This troubled him deeply. He felt bizarre and incomplete.
One day he had an idea. He would sit, close his eyes, and imagine having a nose. He did this for six hours. When he opened his eyes, he had a nose.
It was an ugly nose.
Someone attached a string to the back of my shirt. It was very long, and as I walked through the city, it wound around cars, mailboxes, and streetlamps.
Eventually I came upon the string, but had no idea it was attached to me.
I went to a baseball stadium, but there was no baseball game. Instead, thousands of people were eating fried rice. The stadium had been converted into a Chinese restaurant.
I ordered fried rice, and looked up at the sky.
I bought a grapefruit, but when I peeled it, there was no grapefruit inside. Instead there was a globe, with tiny people on it, and cows and trees and houses.
I was surprised that it tasted quite good.
I’m afraid Darley Adare must also be left out of future publications, as she has even less to say than I do.
Please leave Sparrow [“Stories by Sparrow,” March 1996] out of future publications. He expresses himself well, but he has so little to say.